Decoding letters of reference

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

; AVERAGE : Not too bright. ; EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED : Has committed no major blunders to date. ; ACTIVE SOCIALLY : Drinks heavily. ; ZEALOUS ATTITUDE : Opinionated. ; CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH : Still one step ahead of the law. ; UNLIMITED POTENTIAL : Will stick with us until retirement. ; QUICK THINKING : Offers plausible excuses for errors. ; TAKES PRIDE IN WORK : Conceited. ; TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS : Buys drinks for superiors. ; INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION : Knows more than superiors. ; STERN DISCIPLINARIAN : A real jerk. ; TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS : Knows when to keep mouth shut. ; APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC : Finds someone else to do the job. ; A KEEN ANALYST : Thoroughly confused. ; NOT A DESK PERSON : Did not go to college. ; EXPRESSES SELF WELL : Can string two sentences together. ; SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB : Miserable home life. ; CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL : Scared. ; METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL : A nitpicker. ; DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP : Has a loud voice. ; JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND : Lucky. ; MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE : A snob. ; KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR : Knows lots of dirty jokes. ; STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES : Stubborn. ; GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE : A coward. ; SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE : Stupid. ; OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION : Turns in work on time. ; IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL : Wanted by no-one else. ; ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS : An office gossip. ; REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT : Lazy and hard-headed. ; HARD WORKER : Usually does it the hard way. ; ENJOYS JOB : Needs more to do. ; HAPPY : Paid too much. ; WELL ORGANIZED : Does too much busywork. ; COMPETENT : Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. ; CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN : Pain in the ass. ; WILL GO FAR : Relative of management. ; SHOULD GO FAR : Please. ; USES TIME EFFECTIVELY : Clock watcher. ; VERY CREATIVE : Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work. ; USES RESOURSES WELL : Delagates everything. ; DESERVES PROMOTION : Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.