View source for Understanding the university power structure

The university hierarchy --- who's on top?

  The Dean
      Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
      Is more powerful than a locomotive
      Is faster than a speeding bullet
      Walks on water
      Gives policy to God

  The Department Head
      Leaps short buildings in a single bound
      Is more powerful than a switch engine
      Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
      Walks on water if sea is calm
      Talks with God

  Professor
      Leaps short buildings with a running start and favourable winds
      Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
      Is faster than a speeding BB
      Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
      Talks with God if special request is approved

  Associate Professor
      Barely clears a Quonset hut
      Loses tug of war with locomotive
      Can fire a speeding bullet
      Swims well
      Is occasionally addressed by God

  Assistant Professor
      Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
      Is run over by locomotives
      Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
      Talks to animals

  Graduate Student
      Runs into buildings
      Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
      Is not issued ammunition
      Can stay afloat with a life jacket
      Talks to walls

  Undergraduate Student
      Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building
      Says look at the choo-choo
      Wets himself with a water pistol
      Plays in mud puddles
      Mumbles to himself

  Department Secretary
      Lifts buildings and walks under them
      Kicks locomotives off the tracks
      Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
      Freezes water with a single glance
      Is God.