Understanding the university power structure

The American university hierarchy --- who's on top?

 The Dean
     Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
     Is more powerful than a locomotive
     Is faster than a speeding bullet
     Walks on water
     Gives policy to God

 The Department Head
     Leaps short buildings in a single bound
     Is more powerful than a switch engine
     Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
     Walks on water if sea is calm
     Talks with God

 Professor
     Leaps short buildings with a running start and favourable winds
     Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
     Is faster than a speeding BB
     Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
     Talks with God if special request is approved

 Associate Professor
     Barely clears a Quonset hut
     Loses tug of war with locomotive
     Can fire a speeding bullet
     Swims well
     Is occasionally addressed by God

 Assistant Professor
     Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
     Is run over by locomotives
     Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
     Talks to animals

 Graduate Student
     Runs into buildings
     Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
     Is not issued ammunition
     Can stay afloat with a life jacket
     Talks to walls

 Undergraduate Student
     Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building
     Says look at the choo-choo
     Wets himself with a water pistol
     Plays in mud puddles
     Mumbles to himself

 Department Secretary
     Lifts buildings and walks under them
     Kicks locomotives off the tracks
     Catches speeding bullets in their teeth and eats them
     Freezes water with a single glance
     Is God.